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Welcome to The Educator’s Room advice column for teachers! Today we’re helping a teacher who had an “interaction” with their Assistant Principal at a swingers party. We’re also helping a teacher who’s trying to set some boundaries around their out-of-work time. See what our writers have to say, then share your own advice in the comments! You can read a couple of our previous editions of Ask The Educator’s Room here and here. Got your own question for The Educator’s Room? Submit it here.
Dear The Educator’s Room,
A parent is trying to force me to have an IEP meeting at 4:30 pm when my contract time ends at 3:45. I absolutely can do any time EXCEPT for outside my contract time (7:45-3:45). What should I do?
Sincerely,
Off the Clock
Dear Off the Clock,
We all know teachers work off the clock to create meaningful learning opportunities for their students, and you are under no obligation to have an IEP meeting outside of your contract time. If you have communicated your ability to meet at any other time during your workday, then you don’t need to feel guilty. You legally cannot be forced to do so, no matter how adamantly the parent insists.
I would reiterate the other times you can meet and be as flexible as you can be to appease them and their concerns for their students. Just because you’re unable to meet after contract time does not mean that you are unwilling to talk and do your best for their student.
If it becomes an issue, I hope your admin would support protecting your time, and if not, talk to your union rep. You have rights – and the right to exercise them!
- Emma-Kate
Dear Off the Clock,
First, a parent cannot force you to meet with them outside of your contract hours. While it is true that school contract hours may not always be convenient for working parents, teachers are professionals with personal lives, and you have every right to insist that the line between your personal and professional life not be blurred.
Second, we all know that IEP meetings are necessary and required by law, and it is our responsibility as educators to make sure that they take place for the good of our students.
Thankfully, we learned some positives during the last three years of living through a global pandemic. One of those positive lessons is that meetings can be flexible and do not have to happen in person. Educators have access to multiple meeting tools, and we have gotten a lot of experience with using those tools. I’ve had parent/teacher conferences with parents over Zoom who have used their phones to quickly converse with me while sitting in their cars during breaks. They haven’t had to leave work and take the time to travel to my classroom, and I’ve been able to fit it in during my contract hours.
In my school, I’ve participated in multiple IEP and 504 meetings with parents, counselors, and other teachers over Zoom and Google Meet. It has allowed the necessary staff members to slip in to provide the necessary information and get excused without disrupting the rest of the meeting. If your school will allow you to do the same, I would suggest that you insist on the parent making time to meet that way. If they only have limited breaks during the day to meet, see if there is a colleague who can cover your class while you meet in a private space.
The modern world has given us a host of options for dealing with potentially difficult situations. This is one of the times when technology can make our jobs easier, not harder.
- Sarah
Dear The Educator’s Room,
I have an Assistant Principal who I met at a swingers party last month. While I won’t go into details, now things are awkward – at least for me. Should I just continue to ignore our “interaction” and act like nothing happened? Or should I pull them aside and have a conversation?
Sincerely,
Swinger
Dear Swinger,
Okay, this is potentially mortifying! I am all for having courageous conversations, but I don’t think I could handle the awkwardness. If you think this is a one-off type of “interaction,” I would just continue acting like nothing happened to maintain a professional relationship.
If they bring it up, or if you think this is going to be a regular occurrence, I would name the discomfort and ask that you two remain professional in not sharing your outside-of-school activities with others in the building. There is nothing wrong with making choices about relationships that deviate from the “norm” (in fact, I celebrate you for finding joy and fulfillment!) But the key is your choices are none of anyone else’s business. So, if you want to maintain a professional relationship and the respect of your colleagues, it’s best to keep the whole incident under wraps.
- Emma-Kate
Dear Swinger,
I’ve always been amused by the reaction of high school students who see me out in public doing regular-person things. I know that they know that I am a human being with my own life, but when they see their teachers outside of the classroom doing non-teaching things, it still challenges the perceptions they have of us as their teachers.
The same could be said for our coworkers.
You are two consenting adults who went to an event that relies on the discretion and anonymity of participants. You both chose to be there without any indication that you would see a coworker at the event, and it is probably fair to say that some in your school community would be uncomfortable with any staff members participating in a swingers party.
Personally, I would act like nothing happened. Chances are your Assistant Principal does not want it to be common knowledge that they attended a Swingers Party. However, if, by some chance, it happens again, it might be time to have a conversation. In the meantime, just keep the experience to yourself.
- Sarah
About the Advisors
Emma-Kate Schaake is a National Board Certified English teacher in Washington state. She’s passionate about her teacher leadership role at the building and district levels, creating professional development on equity, school culture, and social justice. She writes about her ongoing journey to unlearn myopic history, act as an advocate for her students, and think critically about her role as an educator. Follow her on Instagram @msschaake.
Sarah Styf is a 19-year high school English teacher. She lives in the Indianapolis area with her husband and two children. She is passionate about education reform and civic engagement. She can be found on Instagram @sarah.styf and Twitter @sarahstyf.
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